The Bucket List

A total steal from the movie. Whatever, it got me thinking because im very bored today and realized I shouldn't spend my life watching tv till death. Thats not me. What is liberty for? I haven't been living it up. Im surprised because its not the first time and I shouldnt be like this again. So here is my list

Things to do:

1. Finally learn how to drive and improve observation skills
2. Learn how to dance salsa or tango
3. be a better friend
4. be a better daughter
5. be a better lover
6. sky dive and get rid of fear of heights
7. Learn how to ride a bike
8. Learn how to swim and then scuba diving
9. Travel to several countries besides the United States and Mexico......
10. Learn french?
11. Go to law school
12. Retire early and travel often.
13. Write a book that makes the bestseller list in the NYTIMES
14. Be more proactive

El mundo es extrano. Uno se puede entregar con todo el corazon. Y uno lo traiciona las circunstancias. Donde me encontre yo. Salgo de una y entro a otra. Ya encontre al pasado otra vez una mujer que conocere esta vez. Lo bueno es que nunca senti regrets. Lo que paso tuvo que pasar. Uno se abre otra vez en otras circunstancias. Uno se acostumbra a las cosas. Y luego las cosas cambian verdad jajaja.

i dont understand

im tied up up between two people i love. On the one hand, my mom tells me she knows better cuz she knows how men act. She's seen it for 25 years with my father. She tells me look at him drink. look at him serve that women and drink with her and his friends. how can she act like she is family she is nothing. How can he disrespect you and me at this place? How can you permit that. And there is doubt. What is her agenda what does she get out of being sneaky? If she is gone someone else will come and replace her. He will replace her with someone else. and on the other hand I trust him. He wouldnt do that to me. Of course she is a slut. Of course she is no good but I trust him completly. What does he want from her? This woman who would otherwise offer nothing. I am complicit.

I put up with that shit. What you decide to do I must let you know that since you are breaking her off. I will put my limit as well. If she comes up again, I will leave. It seems fair.





I want to be alone for a while. I dont want to cry for no one.

voladores de papantla

Voladores de Papantla


Veracruz, 1999



At the epicenter of a camphorized pole ascending towards the sky,

four man birds levitated towards the womb of the mother sun.

Their pueblo clay faces shyly greeted the rays-

marked by jagged terrains of age

they allowed themselves to fall,

into their cicada and sunflower colored winged cloaks

their turns like red starburst flames dancing in the wind.

This touch of fire perforating the sky

like moths in a summer night

with silence broken into

by the echoed breaths of a hallow shell,

of the adobe faced man birds inviting the sun

in a low whisper to sleep



wandering into this modern life.

si te contara

si te contara de las cosas tan bellas que estoy sintiendo no me entenderias porque algunas veces hablo raresas y sinceramente no me entiendo a mi misma. eres la primera persona con quien hablo de mis miedos mas primitivos. Donde hasta mi vagina lo siento que se acercara a la madre tierra y encontrara descanso. Halgo muy extrano me esta pasando. se siente muy lindo y ya no me siento tan triste o sola

Today was work

Today there was a lot of work done that I was proud of very proud of. I was very proud of myself that I stood up and spoke up for youth. I think that is my role. the how dare you of the world. I got tired you know that being a youth we get pushed around. I respect the people who have been in this movement pero sometimes canijo things get out of hand too out of hand. Bueno life is like that you have to learn how to deal with people and learn how to handle them well.

I think I spoke out of reason and following some principles that i didnt think about before about the immigrant rights movement and how things can get stronger. a companero asked about how do you think people can work together considering people come from different ideologies. I brought up the point that people need to hear the base and what the base is saying. We can then create a space for dialogue and discussion where both principles can work. This other crazy lady was saying that we shouldnt support the dream act cuz its a poverty draft bill the all or nothing.

Elvira Arellano was saying that the new sanctuary movement should support the dream act but that they want a bigger comprehensive immigration reform first no compromises. After speaking up about the need to hear what the base is saying before jumping to conclusions she changed her earlier statement

ill finish it later.....note to mari

Day 1 Mexico City

My contacts are burning me eyes....the pollution....oh no. Interesting day today. I spent the whole day walking through different places that just happen to be patrimonios nacionales. The names of the places are- Frida Kahlo{s house, museo de antropologi, museo rufino tamaya, palacio de bellas artes, and an art shop and i ate breakfast at VOIP

spoke to seiu guy- centrist well intentioned and might have taken the fact that i told him that he is old too personal. Trying to push me to read his proposal and to connect him to the national youth project. We will see

independence

I get so fucking pissed being played....when things are done from my back. Like geez what the fuck dont I get to know. what the fuck are you trying to hide? Not necessary obviously..you dont need to know this and why not add this additional thing. God I dont get bothered that you are with her. We are fucking old enough to hide shit from each other. NO BS. NO MORE

Malcolm X!

Excellent video!
OMG the guy in the video doesnt get it!
Stop asking! damn it

so sad I miss seymour too

some poetry by audre lorde

Echo
I hear myself drought caught
pleading a windy cause
dry as the earth without rain
crying love, in tongues of false thunder
while my love waits
like a seeded trap in the door of my house
mouth bound with perfect teeth
sure of their strength on bone
while my love waits
to swallow me whole
and pass me as echos of shadowless laughter
quiet
my love
waits at the door of my house

in my yard myths of rain
hang like a sheet of brick caught silk
torn in the sun


If you come softly
as wind within the trees
you may hear what i hear
see what sorrow sees

If you come as lightly
as threading dew
i will take you gladly
nor ask more of you

you may sit beside me
silent as breath
only those who stay dead
shall remember death

and if you come i will be silent
nor speak harsh words to you
i will not sk you why, now.
or how, or what you do.

we shall sit here, softly
beneath two different years
and the rich earth between us
shall drink our tears.

blessing the boats by Lucille Clifton

(at St. Mary's)



may the tide
that is entering even now
the lip of our understanding
carry you out
beyond the face of fear
may you kiss
the wind then turn from it
certain that it will
love your back may you
open your eyes to water
water waving forever
and may you in your innocence
sail through this to that

Ballad
by Sonia Sanchez


(after the spanish)


forgive me if i laugh
you are so sure of love
you are so young
and i too old to learn of love.

the rain exploding
in the air is love
the grass excreting her
green wax is love
and stones remembering
past steps is love,
but you. you are too young
for love
and i too old.

once. what does it matter
when or who, i knew
of love.
i fixed my body
under his and went
to sleep in love
all trace of me
was wiped away

forgive me if i smile
young heiress of a naked dream
you are so young
and i too old to learn of love.

so im hopeless

things have been rough the past couple of months. decided to liberate myself and do the lone walk. dont want to hold nobody's hands. dont want to lead. dont want to be anybodys saviors or martyr. i dont believe in people anymore. nobody. what can i say. this is me happening at this moment. I was the dreamer but now i move on. I was but now im mari. ahhhh the absurdity the absurdity its immense and i cant deal with it. trying to run away trying to find a haven where i can be but i cant seem to find it.

when you are chavita

you want your parents approval. especially when you dont get to see them. You want them to know that you listen to them and that you are doing things for them. You want attention. You want them to smother you with their love.

that is my thought for today. after speaking to lucy and understanding some of her reasoning.


mari

been looking over my resolutions

and they make me sick
totally pc wackkkk

anyway i take over and say honestly without any bias or hard feelings or sad feelings or shit feelings. these are the things i want:

1. i want happiness sincere laughter good hearty laughter that touches my soul that caresses me in parts unheard. that sends me rolling in the street
2. i want to get rid of sad eyes. they have followed me everywhere. shit good things go down right
3. i will indulge myself again in silly things. today was in cutesy clothing jaja. jaja bueno fuck that no pa eso se trabaja.
4. i will love and let others love me. why not...
5. i will enjoy the fruits of my labor and be proud cuz my hands did that so cool you make me feel cooler than cool....
6. if im not feeling cool bueno too bad thats it shut it down turn away and move on to something that will make me laugh without hurting me.

been too sad too long for nobody. gonna travel gonna see in awe new places and new faces. gonna love and be loved como se debe.

cuz i want it and this is how its going down.

fall in fall out etc...

most days are shit but these past couple of days have just kicked ass
not feeling all there. trying to recover from the fallout. falling in falling out. trying to decide which one of the two. who do i speak truth etc... sometimes i feel manic depressive how i code switch into feelings too high too low never just cool. but when i come back up or down in those seconds of transition i wonder what this is relaly all abou. it aint about me or you. nights like these i need pedro. waiting around for shit to get going. to then contemplate of having nervousness breakdown. of frank of incomplete poems. of him always making me cry.
frankly i cant spend my time philosiphizing cuz reality is too hard to make into symbols. cant spend my time wondering what shits all about. feel got to keep working to figure it all out. i aint feeling it. how i. wonder where my breath is at. where where things are at...wonder where im at and if im still there kicking it.....




no dejes que lamparas artificiales hagan de ti sombras extrañas, no sueñes si quieres que tus sueños se hagan realidad, tu sabias cantar antes de que fuiste dado un certificado de nacimiento, apaga la radio que este pais te dio esta fuera de servicio, tu aliento es tu tierra prometida, si quieres sentirte bien rico mirate las manos, es ahi donde la definicion de magia se encuentra....... Pedro Pietri


"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." - Arundhati Roy

que busco

dejenme

y veo que pasa

Me puse a pensar de lo que quiero en la vida. Una de esas cosas es sentirme completa y un deseo admirable creo yo. y bueno no se ahorita estoy confundida con las cosas. odio esta confusion. Pero ahora veo que asi es mi temperamento