Sunday, April 30, 2006

sexo sin amor

ne learns to recognize sex without love
there is a warmth absent- just the body
responding to the urge
unfulfilling not life affirming
a retroceding wave trying
to devour the coast
getting nowhere

then there is the body
how eyes without light
observe the object left behind
the disallusionment of an
abandoned shell
left for time immortal:
a fossilized vacant
scream in empty waters

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Recollection of things learned

I wonder about many things over the past few months in my life. The decisions I have chosen to make and indeed the 360 degrees in my life that I have taken. I think about the stuff that is yet to come and I wonder if everything is going to fast for me or if I just have to catch up with the rest of the world verdad? Interestingly I have no bloody idea what I want to do with the rest of my life and yet I feel secure that I have plans set out. Educationally there is the masters that I want for myself which will then prepare me for work with law or should I go to law school and then get a masters in law. Then there is the idea of tying this work with a career which makes me consider location. I wonder if I can stay in one place if the job demands that I travel more will I have to let go would it be worth it? What would be my role being at home or being at work. Goals in a list
1. Learn how to drive
2. Find a two family home that falls less of the 500000 range.
3. Get a full time job with benefits
4. Get a car
5. pay loans/debts

Which has me thinking, about the family, their needs and wants, their illusions...its hard. And to couple that stress there is the additionaly one of marriage. "Well if you want to formalize the relationship" " when the children come" all implies a lot of braving the darkness.

Sometimes I feel confused....
and my friends and memories...what is happening?

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

about scars

Estaba pensando en la vida y un comentario de Gabriel sobre el vacio interno que deja la muerte (un tema que de hecho nosotros hemos hablado mucho) . Pero tambien queria darle merito a la vida. Perhaps I can play a devil's advocate for a minute and state that yes even life can leave an emptiness filled only by the external light that is life. I write of our stories specifically about our births and the similarities in both our mother's experiences. I think about the cool blade ever so delicately opening a channel for us that the natural birth canal could not provide. I think about the similarities that our mothers had to decide at one point in their lives to give us life or not and the implications of that. I think about the life risks only to have to deal with our lives and wonder if they ever believed that giving us life was a mistake. How deep these wounds run in their bodies. Wounds that I can still trace in the womb of my mother. Which in turn makes me think about scars. Any scar-both visible and invisible that we too carry as in our bodies as testimonies of lives lived and negated.

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