been looking over my resolutions

and they make me sick
totally pc wackkkk

anyway i take over and say honestly without any bias or hard feelings or sad feelings or shit feelings. these are the things i want:

1. i want happiness sincere laughter good hearty laughter that touches my soul that caresses me in parts unheard. that sends me rolling in the street
2. i want to get rid of sad eyes. they have followed me everywhere. shit good things go down right
3. i will indulge myself again in silly things. today was in cutesy clothing jaja. jaja bueno fuck that no pa eso se trabaja.
4. i will love and let others love me. why not...
5. i will enjoy the fruits of my labor and be proud cuz my hands did that so cool you make me feel cooler than cool....
6. if im not feeling cool bueno too bad thats it shut it down turn away and move on to something that will make me laugh without hurting me.

been too sad too long for nobody. gonna travel gonna see in awe new places and new faces. gonna love and be loved como se debe.

cuz i want it and this is how its going down.

fall in fall out etc...

most days are shit but these past couple of days have just kicked ass
not feeling all there. trying to recover from the fallout. falling in falling out. trying to decide which one of the two. who do i speak truth etc... sometimes i feel manic depressive how i code switch into feelings too high too low never just cool. but when i come back up or down in those seconds of transition i wonder what this is relaly all abou. it aint about me or you. nights like these i need pedro. waiting around for shit to get going. to then contemplate of having nervousness breakdown. of frank of incomplete poems. of him always making me cry.
frankly i cant spend my time philosiphizing cuz reality is too hard to make into symbols. cant spend my time wondering what shits all about. feel got to keep working to figure it all out. i aint feeling it. how i. wonder where my breath is at. where where things are at...wonder where im at and if im still there kicking it.....




no dejes que lamparas artificiales hagan de ti sombras extrañas, no sueñes si quieres que tus sueños se hagan realidad, tu sabias cantar antes de que fuiste dado un certificado de nacimiento, apaga la radio que este pais te dio esta fuera de servicio, tu aliento es tu tierra prometida, si quieres sentirte bien rico mirate las manos, es ahi donde la definicion de magia se encuentra....... Pedro Pietri


"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." - Arundhati Roy

que busco

dejenme

y veo que pasa

Me puse a pensar de lo que quiero en la vida. Una de esas cosas es sentirme completa y un deseo admirable creo yo. y bueno no se ahorita estoy confundida con las cosas. odio esta confusion. Pero ahora veo que asi es mi temperamento

I confess that in 2006 I...

() stayed single for the whole year
() got your first kiss
() kissed someone new
() made-out for the first time
(x) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
(x) kissed in the rain
(x) fell in love
() had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else's heart
(x) had a stalker
() mooned someone
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
() suffered through teenage heartbreak
() someone questioned your sexual orientation
() came out of the closet
() gotten pregnant
() gotten someone else pregnant
() gotten married
() had a divorce
(x) dated someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
() lost your true love
() lost faith in love
() kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL
(x) got a promotion
(x) got a pay raise
(x) changed jobs
(x) waited until one day before to begin a project
() lost your job
() quit your job
() dated a co-worker
() dated your boss
() dated your boss' daughter/son
() got fired from your job
(x) took an honors/advanced class
(x) broke the dress code
() jacked off/fingered in class
() sent to the principles office for misbehavior
(x) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one/a few teacher you really hated
() failed a class
(x) cut class
() kicked someone in the testes
(x) skipped school
() got into a fight with a classmate
(x)did something you were proud of
(x) discovered a new talent
() gave the teachers a reason to teach
() proved yourself an idiot
() embarrassed yourself in front of the class
() fell in love with a teacher
() intentionally tripped someone --HAHA
() got lead in the school play
() made a varsity team
(X) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER
(x) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) seen a live concert
(x) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog on MySpace
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) double-dipped
() went to a sleepover
() went camping
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
(x) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
() didn't wash your hands after using bathroom
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) broke in a line of waiting people
(x) volunteered to help out others
(x) visted a new state
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
() driven the car drunk
(X) lost something important to you
(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) lied about how old you were
(x) got a gift you adore
(x) got 'shit faced' on alcohol
() took a nude picture of yourself
() got arrested
(x) prank called someone
() saw a college football game in person
()involved in a car accident
(X)still in love
(x)had sex
()wished you died

working and dreaming and hoping and loving

6 resolutions for the new year:

1. Be happy and have more fun
2. Buy home with gabe and family
3. Live with Gabe and marry
4. Travel more and spend less
5. Get healthy again and start going to the gym
6. Study for LSATs and go to Law School!

working on life

Somethings to work on this week for example are the greenling institute applications tomorrow we work on obtaining the coro recommendation these are the things that most motivate my personal ambitions as for work I can multi task I now have to work those extra 20 hours hopefully I can save money enough to keep my projects going and to live comfortable

es interesante porque antes no era asi
estoy cambiando tenlo por seguro

ESTP - "Promotor". Action! When present, things begin to happen. Fiercely competitive. Entrepreneur. Often uses shock effect to get attention. Negotiator par excellence. 4.3% of total population.

Free Jung Word Choice Test (similar to MBTI)
personality tests by similarminds.com

ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (70%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. Accommodation (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun. Emotional Stability (64%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Inquisitiveness (82%) high which suggests you are very intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

People I admire

I was thinking about my dream job and then I found a person who is doing just that. Luisa Cabal works at the Center for Reproductive Rights and she is the legal director for litigation at the international level. That would be my dream. And then I saw an ad idealist for:
That is something I could do
Its just how do I get there?
So let me create a path....

The International Legal Fellows will be responsible for legal and policy analysis of a variety of international reproductive rights issues. In particular, the International Legal Fellow will work under the supervision of the ILP’s Deputy Director and Legal Advisers to: conduct general legal and policy research on international law, human rights law, and foreign and comparative law, as well as on U.S. laws that impact women's reproductive rights globally; support the ILP’s international human rights litigation by developing factual records and drafting legal memoranda, pleadings and amicus briefs; draft submissions to UN and regional human rights bodies and prepare materials for major UN conferences; and research and draft Center publications for stakeholders in different regions. International travel required.

Oaxaca

Todo se habla de amor y no se que decirte. Camino en la calle y ya no oigo la voz interna tan fuerte ahora disminuida. Ay me miro caminando en las calles viejas pintadas en llamas gritando silenciosamente por revolucion. Sueño con mi querida soledad. Chanclas y Falda Larga. Corazon Libre. Recuerdas las noches en Oaxaca y la niña que me paro a hablar. Siempre viendome caminar detras de la cathedral despues de ir a ver las peliculas dirigidas por extranjeros trantandose de La Revolucion Mexicana. Pero nunca note la hija de una señora vendiendo rebozos de nube blanco. Me sente a ver los chavos zapateando y en mi corazon tenia el sonido del tambor feliz. Noche de agua de rosa aun borrosa. Y la niña me dijo: detras de mis oidos. Te he visto antes.

Senti nostalgia. La misma de esta noche en la cual le estoy extendiendole la mano invitandola otra vez a caminar conmigo y platicarme de su madre. Pienso en la violencia occurriendo ahorita en Oaxaca y me pregunto adonde estara.

thinking about the next big steps

I was wondering what I learned most about myself these past years and I came to a conclusion. I think that after life altering events in your life, one thing I have learned is not take myself for granted. I expect that from anybody else even though I really shouldn't but what the hell. I have come to this conclusion because when I have been most hurt, the reason behind all of those mixed feelings was that my feelings were taken for granted. In other words, assumptions were made about my feelings-thoughts about me that did not represent me-misunderstandings and I was not understood.

My perspective then has changed because I understand that life is fragile. I understand love as simple. I feel it and I express it. I say I love you and I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I limit my feelings and vocabulary to the essential. Life is simplified many folds at least from my perspective. I understand the complexities in the world that complicate this but I do not share it because I dont understand the need for so much drama and yet at the same time I do because I saw a need for it once.

Life tends to complicate itself and here is where confusion ensues. But then answer me: What can you do with raw and sincere love? How do you strip the bark of a tree without killing it?

Me sabe a algo sus sueños

Sueña de miel
en un jardin
de su niñez encontrada
Lo saborea en el deseo
debajo de un vaso fino de vino
rescatado de labios que le aburre
el excesso de lujuria
sabor que para el sabe a nada
no como la posibilidad
de gelato
hecho de huachinango,
rosas,
y miel adquirido
de su jardin

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politics y amor

Hey Dreamer
This is real life
Real pain and real love
Hey Dreamer
Wake up and justify
your tears and your truth

-Quetzal

adoro esta cancion

sometimes there is the subconcious

that I cannot touch and that comes out in the most in inapportune imes. como dice walt whitman. The soul travels faster than the body. I dont remember yesterday just remember a little in flashes. dont like drunken stupor usually i know my limit dont remember yesterday. good i did it with someone I loved
and trust

Of course you love a man who understands even begs of you to take a break...
this man is worth so much so mucho god i know i need to refocus but i need him
and he offers so much to me so much love a loving ear attentive to detail that I always look for (props for myself for looking so well...jeje)
too many mistakes i did too much shit i pulled off for such a loving man who only tries to understand me love me . god damn it im so fucked up