Friday, February 24, 2006

so i started to think a lot about what I wanted what do I really want I guess I went to Mexico to discover that and realized that it wasn't really my roots I was looking at. I want someone to listen to me and for this reason I have always loved writing because I can talk as much as I want and only as I much as I have to say without judgin myself. Here is an open ear that I so prized and so loved....perhaps my true love the one thing that I have have always kep my desire to keep writing even if sometimes I forget I still bring though to paper and I love that I can be able to do that. Because it does not judge me it does not upset me i dont have to make myself happy to feel that I have accomplished something important because I have all day. I am content with myself because ultimately I am the only person that I am accountable to. I am myself. I love the person that I am lving in . I love her for who she is even if sometimes she feels upset I love her still. I admire her for her real qualities for her contradictions and I wish I could hold myself sometimes when I am alone even with people who love me. I am not social. I want my memeories my futures I want it all. I want that liberty to have that inside me. I want to cry like I m doing right now and not have to be asked what is wrong with you and have to give an explanantion because sometimes there are not explanations for anything. And sometimes I just dont know what is going on and what I want because I am human and I dont have to have answers for every little shit in my life and because life is too precious for me to have to give any explanation for anybody. And because I can do with life whatever I want. And because its my life ultimately and yes even though I understand that you may love me and that you may care for me please give that space please give that room of my own. I m not sure why am I asking you for anything. what i am asking you is to back off from me because I have to take care of me. Love me the compassion you save for yourself in your solitude. It makes sense to me. I love that line. Sometimes we need to give each other space when in love. I need to breathe to catch wind.


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