independence

I get so fucking pissed being played....when things are done from my back. Like geez what the fuck dont I get to know. what the fuck are you trying to hide? Not necessary obviously..you dont need to know this and why not add this additional thing. God I dont get bothered that you are with her. We are fucking old enough to hide shit from each other. NO BS. NO MORE

Malcolm X!

Excellent video!
OMG the guy in the video doesnt get it!
Stop asking! damn it

so sad I miss seymour too

some poetry by audre lorde

Echo
I hear myself drought caught
pleading a windy cause
dry as the earth without rain
crying love, in tongues of false thunder
while my love waits
like a seeded trap in the door of my house
mouth bound with perfect teeth
sure of their strength on bone
while my love waits
to swallow me whole
and pass me as echos of shadowless laughter
quiet
my love
waits at the door of my house

in my yard myths of rain
hang like a sheet of brick caught silk
torn in the sun


If you come softly
as wind within the trees
you may hear what i hear
see what sorrow sees

If you come as lightly
as threading dew
i will take you gladly
nor ask more of you

you may sit beside me
silent as breath
only those who stay dead
shall remember death

and if you come i will be silent
nor speak harsh words to you
i will not sk you why, now.
or how, or what you do.

we shall sit here, softly
beneath two different years
and the rich earth between us
shall drink our tears.

blessing the boats by Lucille Clifton

(at St. Mary's)



may the tide
that is entering even now
the lip of our understanding
carry you out
beyond the face of fear
may you kiss
the wind then turn from it
certain that it will
love your back may you
open your eyes to water
water waving forever
and may you in your innocence
sail through this to that

Ballad
by Sonia Sanchez


(after the spanish)


forgive me if i laugh
you are so sure of love
you are so young
and i too old to learn of love.

the rain exploding
in the air is love
the grass excreting her
green wax is love
and stones remembering
past steps is love,
but you. you are too young
for love
and i too old.

once. what does it matter
when or who, i knew
of love.
i fixed my body
under his and went
to sleep in love
all trace of me
was wiped away

forgive me if i smile
young heiress of a naked dream
you are so young
and i too old to learn of love.

so im hopeless

things have been rough the past couple of months. decided to liberate myself and do the lone walk. dont want to hold nobody's hands. dont want to lead. dont want to be anybodys saviors or martyr. i dont believe in people anymore. nobody. what can i say. this is me happening at this moment. I was the dreamer but now i move on. I was but now im mari. ahhhh the absurdity the absurdity its immense and i cant deal with it. trying to run away trying to find a haven where i can be but i cant seem to find it.

when you are chavita

you want your parents approval. especially when you dont get to see them. You want them to know that you listen to them and that you are doing things for them. You want attention. You want them to smother you with their love.

that is my thought for today. after speaking to lucy and understanding some of her reasoning.


mari

been looking over my resolutions

and they make me sick
totally pc wackkkk

anyway i take over and say honestly without any bias or hard feelings or sad feelings or shit feelings. these are the things i want:

1. i want happiness sincere laughter good hearty laughter that touches my soul that caresses me in parts unheard. that sends me rolling in the street
2. i want to get rid of sad eyes. they have followed me everywhere. shit good things go down right
3. i will indulge myself again in silly things. today was in cutesy clothing jaja. jaja bueno fuck that no pa eso se trabaja.
4. i will love and let others love me. why not...
5. i will enjoy the fruits of my labor and be proud cuz my hands did that so cool you make me feel cooler than cool....
6. if im not feeling cool bueno too bad thats it shut it down turn away and move on to something that will make me laugh without hurting me.

been too sad too long for nobody. gonna travel gonna see in awe new places and new faces. gonna love and be loved como se debe.

cuz i want it and this is how its going down.

fall in fall out etc...

most days are shit but these past couple of days have just kicked ass
not feeling all there. trying to recover from the fallout. falling in falling out. trying to decide which one of the two. who do i speak truth etc... sometimes i feel manic depressive how i code switch into feelings too high too low never just cool. but when i come back up or down in those seconds of transition i wonder what this is relaly all abou. it aint about me or you. nights like these i need pedro. waiting around for shit to get going. to then contemplate of having nervousness breakdown. of frank of incomplete poems. of him always making me cry.
frankly i cant spend my time philosiphizing cuz reality is too hard to make into symbols. cant spend my time wondering what shits all about. feel got to keep working to figure it all out. i aint feeling it. how i. wonder where my breath is at. where where things are at...wonder where im at and if im still there kicking it.....




no dejes que lamparas artificiales hagan de ti sombras extrañas, no sueñes si quieres que tus sueños se hagan realidad, tu sabias cantar antes de que fuiste dado un certificado de nacimiento, apaga la radio que este pais te dio esta fuera de servicio, tu aliento es tu tierra prometida, si quieres sentirte bien rico mirate las manos, es ahi donde la definicion de magia se encuentra....... Pedro Pietri


"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." - Arundhati Roy

que busco

dejenme

y veo que pasa

Me puse a pensar de lo que quiero en la vida. Una de esas cosas es sentirme completa y un deseo admirable creo yo. y bueno no se ahorita estoy confundida con las cosas. odio esta confusion. Pero ahora veo que asi es mi temperamento

I confess that in 2006 I...

() stayed single for the whole year
() got your first kiss
() kissed someone new
() made-out for the first time
(x) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
(x) kissed in the rain
(x) fell in love
() had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else's heart
(x) had a stalker
() mooned someone
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
() suffered through teenage heartbreak
() someone questioned your sexual orientation
() came out of the closet
() gotten pregnant
() gotten someone else pregnant
() gotten married
() had a divorce
(x) dated someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
() lost your true love
() lost faith in love
() kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL
(x) got a promotion
(x) got a pay raise
(x) changed jobs
(x) waited until one day before to begin a project
() lost your job
() quit your job
() dated a co-worker
() dated your boss
() dated your boss' daughter/son
() got fired from your job
(x) took an honors/advanced class
(x) broke the dress code
() jacked off/fingered in class
() sent to the principles office for misbehavior
(x) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one/a few teacher you really hated
() failed a class
(x) cut class
() kicked someone in the testes
(x) skipped school
() got into a fight with a classmate
(x)did something you were proud of
(x) discovered a new talent
() gave the teachers a reason to teach
() proved yourself an idiot
() embarrassed yourself in front of the class
() fell in love with a teacher
() intentionally tripped someone --HAHA
() got lead in the school play
() made a varsity team
(X) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER
(x) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) seen a live concert
(x) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog on MySpace
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) double-dipped
() went to a sleepover
() went camping
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
(x) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
() didn't wash your hands after using bathroom
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) broke in a line of waiting people
(x) volunteered to help out others
(x) visted a new state
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
() driven the car drunk
(X) lost something important to you
(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) lied about how old you were
(x) got a gift you adore
(x) got 'shit faced' on alcohol
() took a nude picture of yourself
() got arrested
(x) prank called someone
() saw a college football game in person
()involved in a car accident
(X)still in love
(x)had sex
()wished you died

working and dreaming and hoping and loving

6 resolutions for the new year:

1. Be happy and have more fun
2. Buy home with gabe and family
3. Live with Gabe and marry
4. Travel more and spend less
5. Get healthy again and start going to the gym
6. Study for LSATs and go to Law School!

working on life

Somethings to work on this week for example are the greenling institute applications tomorrow we work on obtaining the coro recommendation these are the things that most motivate my personal ambitions as for work I can multi task I now have to work those extra 20 hours hopefully I can save money enough to keep my projects going and to live comfortable

es interesante porque antes no era asi
estoy cambiando tenlo por seguro

ESTP - "Promotor". Action! When present, things begin to happen. Fiercely competitive. Entrepreneur. Often uses shock effect to get attention. Negotiator par excellence. 4.3% of total population.

Free Jung Word Choice Test (similar to MBTI)
personality tests by similarminds.com

ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (70%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. Accommodation (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (66%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun. Emotional Stability (64%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Inquisitiveness (82%) high which suggests you are very intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com